Being Kind ~ Why is it so Hard?

You see it everywhere, on shirts, posters, billboard, etc.  You know, the statement “Be Kind” or the one I as a beekeeper prefer “Bee Kind”.  It seems that everywhere we go there it is, that statement, a REMINDER, to be kind.  Why?  Why do we need to be reminded to ACT with kindness?  Why do we have to have something spark that character trait within us?  Why can’t we just do it - just be kind?

Is it that we are DISTRACTED?  Do we get so caught up in our own little world, wandering thoughts running like a cheetah through our mind?  Or maybe it’s that we are so focused on our PHONES that we don’t really pay attention to what’s going on around us.  There are so many things competing for our attention that we just don’t notice what’s going on around us.

Maybe it’s that we are RUSHING through our day, moment by moment, trying to get to the next place or the next “to-do” item on our list.

It seems that no matter which scenario “fits”, a common factor among all of these is a disconnection from the PRESENT moment.

So how can we FIX this need to be reminded to be kind?  Practice noticing what is going on around you.  Not with the intention of showing kindness as though it is something to check off your list for the day.  ~ notice something . . . react by being kind . . . ✓ . . .  now I can move on with my day as normal ~    That’s not demonstrating genuine kindness, it’s just ACTING kind for the moment.

Maybe start from WITHIN.  “Be kind to yourself!”  What?  How is that going to help me be kind to others?

I have found that the journey of living with kindness toward others naturally follows from there.  You must first be kind to yourself.

But that’s easier said than done, right? With all of the messages coming at us from social media, our peers, maybe our siblings, it’s like being a dart board with all of these darts flying straight at us.  At least that’s the way I feel sometimes.  BUT, what if we don’t let them stick?  What if we stop letting ourselves be the target.  That would make such a difference, wouldn’t it?  

However, reality is that we let those darts get to us.  We LET them pierce us and it hurts.  Then we start to believe what we hear from others, what we see on social media, and start BELIEVING that we are just not good enough.  We become self-critical. Tearing ourselves down.  How could you possibly be kind to others - GENUINELY kind, when you can’t even be kind to yourself?

First, stop telling yourself anything negative.  Take CAPTIVE that thought of negativity and turn it around into a positive statement - and OWN it!  Instead of telling yourself “I am such a loser!”, how about “I’ll do better next time”, or “I’ll get there”.

Instead of being self-critical, learn to be self-compassionate.  Be kind to YOURSELF because you were made for a purpose.  Not everyone’s purpose is the same.  You may not be good at cooking, but maybe you’re great at sewing.  You may not be good at sports, but you rock putting on makeup!  You may not be good at communicating through fancy words, but you are a GREAT listener.  Self-compassion NATURALLY leads to better mental and physical health.  It leads to better relationships with others.

So being kind to others starts with being kind to YOURSELF.  Stop beating yourself up.  You are enough, you are!  Once you learn to be self-compassionate you can GENUINELY demonstrate kindness to others.  People can spot genuine, heart-felt kindness - and it is so appreciated!

Have I left out any obstacles to kindness? How do you REMEMBER to be kind when things get busy or rough? What self-compassion statements or techniques do you use or would like to use?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.